Postnatal Depression

Today's post is all about Postnatal Depression. As this site is about raising awareness I felt that this would be an important post. As a sufferer of PND, I know it's not something that is widely talked about and most women feel ashamed to admit that they are indeed suffering.

I never realised I was suffering, in fact, if it wasn't for Sam I probably wouldn't be here today. I was on maternity leave and hadn't left the house in about 3 weeks. All day while Sam was at work I sat with Harry in his bouncer infront of the TV, curtains closed and no lights on. It was horrific looking back on it now but I just didn't have the energy to do anything but change Harrys nappy or make his bottle. I was scared to leave the house on my own in case something happened and Harry ended up back in the hospital. I wasn't coping at all. I suppose it didn't help that Sam had to go back to work the day after Harry was discharged from NICU so I was doing it all on my own from the very beginning, not that it's Sams fault. We needed the money as he hadn't been earning for almost a month.

I often had thoughts and feelings that Harry would have been better off without me, that I was a terrible mother and maybe I should just leave so he and Sam would be happy. As I'm getting better I know that isn't the case but even now in my darkest moments, i wonder why I stuck around.

I don't talk about my depression with anyone. Mostly not even Sam, although he knows me so well he can tell when I'm having a bad day, I just want to let EVERY SINGLE person out there know its okay to ask for help if they are feeling like that. There is nothing to be ashamed of if  you just arent coping. It's okay.