Lockdown check in

Hello everybody!

What a strange and unusual time we are having here. Lockdown has now been in place for three weeks and honestly, even though I really like to pretend I'm doing just fine the real truth is, I'm not.

I have been struggling really badly this week. Not being able to leave the house like I used to has had a massive effect on my depression. I have never been an 'outdoor' person so honestly going for a walk has never really appealed to me - much to Sam's disappointment.

It was Harry's 4th birthday on the 31st of March and I'm pretty sure he had a fab day but I felt terrible about the fact that I couldn't even get him a Mcdonalds for his birthday tea. It honestly felt like the biggest failure, not that we had been expecting to celebrate his birthday as he was supposed to be 12 days post-open-heart surgery, but he would have at least had his chicken nuggets.

There was nothing I could do about it though, doesn't mean it didn't get to me.

However, I have made a real effort with Harry. We have painted and baked (far far far too much for any single household. Sam has been doorstep delivering cupcakes and banana bread to family) and played games and Harry has even been potty trained - Almost, he's not a fan of pants apparently. I have both loved and struggled with being home with Harry 24/7. I have never spent this much time at home with him and while it is lovely, I wish I could take him to the park, out for lunch, hell I'd even take him to soft play - My most hated place in the world. Harry is frustrated with being locked in and is still completely out of sorts with the change in routine making him act out, but it's getting better.

I have even started exercising! I heard somewhere that exercise is good for your mental health so thought I would give it a go. Harry is loving the Joe Wicks P.E sessions and asks for them about 500 times a day, I've also got my bike out and some days - If I'm very lucky - get to use my one allowed trip out for a nice bike ride, which is one of the only forms of exercise that I have ever actually enjoyed!

Facetime has been big in our house too. We have been having two 'pub quiz' type calls a week - one with Sam's family and one with mine. Honestly, that has been a mood lifter - along with the wine that Sam provides with it. its almost like being with people which is something when this is all over I will never take for granted again.

Lockdown has been difficult that's for sure but I'm trying to make the most of it and not let my depression get the better of me.

Stay safe. Stay at home!